So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
