I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
