i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
