Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
