He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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