How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
