So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
