Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
