Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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