Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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