the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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