After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
