He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
