I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
