This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
