i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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