Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she told me i tasted like america
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
