Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
