Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
