I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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