he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
