Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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