I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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