What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
