TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
