new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
