theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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