You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
