so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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