this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
