If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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