Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
