I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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