Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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