Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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