I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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