Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize