you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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