I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
