remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize