Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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