i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
