I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
