So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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