why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
worst night to have a conscience
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
