If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
