Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
