Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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