i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
