it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
