This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize