I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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