Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
