Define "chronic" masturbator.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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