i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
