He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
