the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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