Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
