I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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