New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
