I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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