highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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