We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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