I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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