i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
