I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
