Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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