Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
