Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize