IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
