Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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