I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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