I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How's work?
Spinning.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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