We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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