apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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