I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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