# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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