I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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