i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize